I am sitting on Eurostar (yes again) bashing out work like there is no tomorrow. I am taking all of 3 actual working days off next week but the amount which I have on means I have to work my butt off to close things out or hand things over before I leave. Hence 4.45am start this morning and a day trip to Belgium that will get me home by around 10.30pm (if I am lucky). This is the rock and roll life style of a thirtysomething. I am planning trips so I get to sleep in my own bed at night. I have even started to enjoy staying in on a Saturday – how old does that sound but it’s true! I work so hard in the week there is nothing I like more than spending quality time with friends or family at the weekend and not spending half of it feeling like my head is being drilled by a black and decker power tool. In fairness I like a bit of X factor or BGT too... Of course that’s not to say I don’t like the odd night out – of course I do but actually I prefer to do this on a week night or Friday.
So as I plough under the English Channel once more it did get me thinking that this month I am really not doing so well on the fun fun fun, date date date aspect of my goal (which is what April was supposed to be). I think unwittingly I have turned into a bit of a career girl. I should state this was never my intention. In fact far from it. When I was younger I was the girl who said I would never work in an office (yes my parents still quote that back to me now). In actual fact I work for a Global Corporate, a good company, in an office in London. I have a good job don’t get me wrong but I have also worked very hard to get it. And I continue to do so. The staff at the hotel in Belgium even know me by name now I have been there so often. Honestly. I feel a bit like a VIP you know (although they haven’t given me FREE wifi yet. Tsk). I mean it’s great for my reward points but perhaps not so good for the love life (unless I want to hook up with a member of the Reception team).
Next week I will turn 35. This is a scary thought. I have never really been bothered about my age, in fact even turning 30 was a non issue for me (I bizarrely quite liked it) but now when the numbers get closer to 40 than 30 I find it all a bit daunting. When I was younger I thought I would be married with kids by the time I was 30. Not so. Instead I had had a relationship which lasted longer than some marriages (7 years) and owned two homes with two separate and very different boyfriends. If I think about what I have achieved outside of my love life it’s all good – nice home, car, good job, great friends but you know I don’t want to grow old and grey on my own. God knows I will need someone to bring me my slippers when my knees have gone after all this running and PT sessions.
It does make me question whether I have turned overly picky or just got used to being single. I don’t think either but you never know. I mean in all honestly it is quite nice to be able to do whatever I want when I want to. The truth is when I have been in a good relationship previously I have never really felt restricted either. I used to go away and see my friends and family (I lived away from them in Manchester) and it was never an issue. I am looking for someone who makes me laugh and lets me be me for me. Is that so hard to find? It’s funny really, as the lovely and infamous twitter star @Vicky1978 were on chat earlier saying how the grass always looks greener on the other side – married or single. Perhaps this is true but the reality is. Watching X factor with someone else, even if they are moaning at you for watching it, is a sort of nicer than trawling through a bar filled with 17 year olds on a weekend (well when you’re a 35 year old female anyway).
A few people have suggested I do the whole internet thing but in my experience it just doesn’t feel right. Call me old fashioned but I like to get a vibe about a person first. On the internet I am sure you miss some good people because you can't see there personality and go out with some bad because all you have is their photo to go from.
Like I said I have next week off and I think it’s time for me to do a bit of reprioritising. I love my job, its challenging and I work with great people. Today my team in Belgium bought me a massive chocolate Easter bunny. Now it’s been about 26 degrees here today and so his ear really is melting off as he sits in the luggage shelf above my head but still, how nice is that! The thing is I have to find a decent balance before I really do turn middle aged. After all I can’t rely on Easter bunnies making me smile when I’m in my 40’s...
(the Bunny has seen better days but he made it home albeit with a melted ear :S)
You may have to encourage me here people because let’s face it, I don’t have a great track record ;)
Adios x
I think we are so alike in some ways. I'm 34, single and have the same thoughts about internet dating and meeting folk in person but it's so difficult if you're not exactly a social butterfly.
ReplyDeleteI like the new blog changes too. Keep blogging :)